oh fat girl friday strikes again...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
