If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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