I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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