i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish there were birth control emojis
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
NoShamevember. You game?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
