Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
