walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
