I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
