I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
