I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
