Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
