wat bout pragnant strippers??
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
