I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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