Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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