Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
