No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
