The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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