party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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