An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
