some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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