I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
