y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
