apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
