Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
