The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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