At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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