drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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