bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
3 2 1 whiskey
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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