There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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