Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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