It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
