so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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