Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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