u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize