absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
