Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
