so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
