Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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