Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
