soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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