the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
