Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
