I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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