I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize