its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just high enough for therapy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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