we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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