Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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