Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
