just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
wow bdsm is so cute
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
