I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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