So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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