From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
