You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
