I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We had sex on a dog bed..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
