They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
