He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize