T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
