Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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