What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
