I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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