I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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