the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
