I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
