she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
