You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
