I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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