for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
