so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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