Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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