mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
