I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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