she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
