i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
