I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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