Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
