My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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