These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
