I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
