my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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