I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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