They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
