I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
