My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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